20000 seconds i'm counting until u'll be here..

20000 reasons to love you, 20000 reasons to care for you, 20000 to want you to be mine, 20000 reasons i want you here right now...

20,000 seconds since you've left and I'm still counting

And 20,000 reasons to get up, get something done

But I'm still waiting

Is someone kind enough to

Pick me up and give me food, assure me that the world is good

But you should be here, you should be here

How colors can change and even the texture of the rain

And what's that ugly little stain on the bathroom floor

I'd rather not deal with that right now

I'd rather be floating in space somewhere or

Worry about the ozone layer

And it's almost like a corny movie scene

But I'm out of frame and the lighting's bad

And the music has no theme

And we're all so strong when nothing's wrong

And the world is at our feet

But how small we are when our love is far away

And all you need is you

i feel like getting alone this days..

i feel like getting alone this days.. i don't know were i am and i don't care.. at the twilight i can't see the sky cause my eyes are closed.. i am going under were i can be alone, safe and were i don't have to answer to life.. i'm going to the road that it takes me no were.. the loneliness is breaking into the life and i feel i can reach it.. confusion that makes me fell like breathing under artificial life.. but i don't know were i'm getting.. i feel like getting alone this days.. under the deep blue ocean.. to drown my emptiness, my solitude, my fear, myself...................

cuvinte..

as vrea sa scriu o poezie doar pt tine.. sa scriu versuri in care sa te regasesti.. versuri in care sa exprim ceea ce esti.. un ocean oglindit in lumina cerului, un soare cu raze calde ce inmoaie si ultima parte din pielea atinsa.. un abis in care ma cufund de fiecare data cand nu vreau sa exist.. lumina care-mi sangereza existenta atunci cand privesti in oglinda din mine..

versuri care in valtoarea lor sa te exprime, si ma lase in nebunia cuvintelor, in atingeri secrete, nopti fierbinti si dimineti tulburate..

as vrea sa scriu o poezie doar pentru tine.. versuri in care sa te regasesti.. dar nu stiu si nu gasesc cuvinte potrivite prin care sa exprim ceea ce esti..

eu sunt intrebarea cuvintelor tale.. si a versurilor ce inceraca sa te descrie si care te incoltesc zile si nopti..

as vrea sa scriu o poezie doar pentru tine.. dar esti misterul versurilor mele si nu pot si nu mai stiu sa scriu... cuvinte fara sens, artificiale, si versuri efemere ies la iveala pt ca nu stiu si nu pot sa scriu ceva doar pentru tine.. versuri in care sa te regasesti.. versuri in care sa exprim ceea ce esti..

tocmai am citit ce-a mai interesanta poezie pe blogul celei mai cool tipe.. si mi-am permis sa o postez.. de dragul versurilor.. ufff.. time takes to much time sometimes.. dar e legea timpului sa fie asa.. i gues.. anywho.. iat-a scurtele versuri ale poeziei cu sens unicat..

Chiar dacă în viaţă o să rămâi singur,

Fără sprijin şi fără ancoră

Să ştii că în lume mai există oameni

Care sunt făcuţi să te ajute!

Să nu uiţi

De cel de Sus,

De tine,

De cel de lângă tine…

Să nu renunţi

La speranţă,

La iubire,

La încrederea în tine…

Să nu crezi

În răutăţile oamenilor,

În cele rele ce te apasă,

În loviturile primite…

Să visezi

La o lume mai bună,

La o iubire pură-fără răutăţi

La o viaţă liberă…

Să iubeşti

Pe cel ce ţi-a făcut bine,

Pe cel ce ţi-a făcut rău,

Pe cel ce trece ca un străin pe lângă tine,

Pe oricine îţi stă în cale…

Să apreciezi

Ceea ce ţi se oferă,

Ceea ce nu ai încă,

Ceea ce este

Şi ceea ce vrei să fie…

La urma urmei

Totul se rezumă la 2 cuvinte

Acceptare şi Iubire

La a trăi viaţa pentru tine ...

misterul femeii..

Cine sa inteleaga misterul : ras in culorile rasaritului, atingere delicata pe pleoape, vis de fluture, glezna de lapte...lacrima din petale de maci, pasi desculti prin iarba, maini unite in rugaciune.,,gand angelic in zor de zi si la apus...plimbari in miez de noapte, nopti de dragoste fierbinti...privire de copil adorabil, dor de a spune in fiecare secunda “te iubesc”, suparare chinuitoare cand nu stii ce sa faci ca sa nu vezi chip de inger trist, vezi in ochii ei marea revarsandu-se in asfintit, nostalgie amestecata cu iubire ce te inebuneste cand nu esti langa ea, joc nevinovat “cine iubeste mai mult?”. Din prima secunda cand deschizi ochii si o vezi in splendoare ei, somnoroasa, jucausa, cu pofta de viata, pana seara cand adormi in bratele ei... iti atinge mana si iti spune din priviri “am nevoie de tine”, poza ei in buzunarul tau strecurata pe furis, mancarea pregatita cu atata dragoste... fiecare clipa, de cand te-a cunoscut, ti-a dedicat-o tie in mireasma de fericire! Cine sa inteleaga ca fara tine nu poate trai si tu fara ea nu poti trai???

Meredith Brooks -bitch

I hate the world today You're so good to me I know but I can't change tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath innocent and sweet Yesterday I cried Must´ve been relieved to see the softer side I can understand how you'd be so confused I don't envy you I'm a little bit of everything all rolled into one I'm a bitch, I'm a lover I'm a child, I'm a mother I'm a sinner, I'm a saint I do not feel ashamed I'm your hell, I'm your dream I'm nothing in between You know you wouldn't want it any other way So take me as I am This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous and I'm going to extremes tomorrow I will change and today won't mean a thing I'm a bitch, I'm a lover I'm a child, I'm a mother I'm a sinner, I'm a saint I do not feel ashamed I'm your hell, I'm your dream I'm nothing in between You know you wouldn't want it any other way Just when you think you got me figured out the miseason's already changing I think it's cool you do what you do and don't try to save me I'm a bitch, I'm a lover I'm a child, I'm a mother I'm a sinner, I'm a saint I do not feel ashamed I'm your hell, I'm your dream I'm nothing in between You know you wouldn't want it any other way I'm a bitch, I'm a tease I'm a goddess on my knees when you hurt, when you suffer I'm your angel undercover I've been numbed, I'm revived can't say I'm not alive You know I wouldn't want it any other way

fear..

i fear of many things.. people took care of this.. i hate of being afraid but that's something that i can't change now.. i don't wanna fell this way.. and i need to be taken away.. but it does't go away.. not even if you try it.. or maybe it will work.. this is the moment when i just don't know how and what it will be.. would someone take this fear away? maybe it will.. but when and how? i'm in need of answers and full sentences on how.... i thought it would be easy to love you and feel happy, but it isn't.. and now it's harder when even the closest ones don't have fate and make me fear of what i never thought i'd be scared of... i hate being afraid.. but i can't change it now..

E plictisitor.. vreau o cafea si o tigara.. mi-e dor sa stau la geamul fumuriu, cu ceasca pe pervaz din care aburul cafelei e inconfundabil de bun, iar gustul ma trezeste cu fiecare minut.. cu tigara aprinsa din care fiecare fum imi poarta gandurile pe taramul de nicaieri, si privirea care e atintita la fiecare gest al meu.. I miss the morning coffee in December..

turn me on

Like a flower waiting to bloom

Like a lightbulb in a dark room

I'm just sitting here waiting for you

To come home and turn me on

Like the desert waiting for the rain

Like a school kid waiting for the spring

I'm just sitting here waiting for you

To come on home and turn me on

My poor heart, it's been so dark since you been gone

After all, you're the one who turns me off

You're the only one who can turn me back on

My hi-fi's waiting for a new tune

The glass is waiting for some fresh ice cubes

I'm just sitting here waiting for you

To come on home and turn me on

Turn me on

thoughts..

e o ora a dupa-amiezei bizara si fara sens in care oamenii umbla pe strazile orasului inmarmuriti de frig, cu coada intre picioare si capul plecat.. fie de la soarele are aparent ii orbeste, fie de nebuniile la care au fost supusi.. well at least some of them ;)).. eu scriu.. incerc sa scriu.. incerc sa ma concentrez asupra unui lucru care nu prea imi iese pt ca al meu gand isi face aparitia prin incaperi transparente ale creierului, al carui pereti vor fi acoperiti cu fel si fel de afise interesante in curand.. mi-e dor de cafeneaua veche cu peretii scrijuliti si batraneii ciudati mereu cu zambetul pe buze.. i haven't been there in a while.. si mi-e dor de parcul verde in care surdina pasilor e coplesitoare si pe care nu l-am mai vazut de ieri, iar vocea care ii deranja linistea nu era aceeasi.. in rest e tacere.. nimic care sa ma faca sa urlu.. well.. except the part when she tells me that i'm her lady.. that makes me shiver..

pt tine..pune-i titlu..ti-o dedic.

it's getting crazy..i'm getting crazy.. i started talking to myself.. i started imagine you around.. talking to shadows, talking in my sleep, to people about you, seeing you in everyone and everywhere, looking at the sky and ask the Universe when?.. i know.. i'm getting crazy.. my craziness took me on the top of the highest building making me scream after you.. my craziness took me in all the places that i thought you might be.. my craziness put me to look for your steps in the middle of the road until i felled.. hit by this giant crazy thing that made no sense. i opened my eyes.. my imaginative crazy mind took me nowhere again.. and i'm just here.. ready to fallow the craziness again.

just a dream..

i thought i sow you this morning in my room,

and the happiness of the thought

made me start talking,

telling you my last night desires.

it was fun cause you were listening..

watching every gesture of my body,

with no comments to add.

i started panicking at one point,

staring at your stillness,

and at your eyes fixed on mines..

and i got closer,

tried to touch your hand,

making sure this was real..

but it wasn't..

when i got near, you disappeared..

leaving me waked up with the thought..

it was a dream..

rainbow..

closer..

i want you to come closer..that close so i can smell the freshness of your skin.. touch the back of your hands till i see your fingers tremble. i want you to come closer.. so i can see in your eyes the deep desire of the eternity of pleasure.. i want you to come closer.. so i can feel your heart beating in the fastest rhythm every time my lips touches yours. i want you to come closer.. so i can steal your soul and make it mine.. and when the dawn rises, we'll be one with the sun..

some thoughts in a cafe..

pe strada principala a marelui oras, unde misuna oamenii ca furnicile, iar in mijlocul strazii "the spear" sau "becul cerului", cum ii mai spun eu, unde multi curiosi isi fac poze, de parca ar fi ceva neobisnuit. langa bec, o mica cafenea, cu pereti acoperiti de postere ce promoveaza serviciile zilelor curente, cu batranei care-si mai permit un pranz in ziua tarzie, si eu, sorbindu-mi cafeaua. in galagia surda a batranilor, pe care-mi permit sa-o deranjez cu scartaitul pixului meu, stau si privesc la o masa indepartata cum iubirea si speranta fac dragoste din priviri. cat de frumos, cat de palpitant si cat de uimita sunt, de aceste doua sentimente care in pofida varstei nu renunta in a se regasi. cat de mult as fi vrut sa vezi si tu.. sa impartasim aceleasi doua sentimente; care in pofida distantei nu renunta in a se regasi.

plictiseala la locul de munca..

sunt la munca.. e o galagie infernala..diferite voci, cu diferite accente ametite din diferitele lichide sorbite din diferite pahare de plastic. stau in fata calculatorului asteptand clienti cu diferite cereri, iar in dreapta mea, Inn, cel mai plictist coleg pe care l-am cunoscut vreodata.. si dat fiind, la fel ca si el, si eu de data asta, ma plictisesc ingrozitor, iar creierul meu nu sta locului, impingandu-mi mana la scris, sperand ca astfel timpul sa treaca mai repede.. asa incat, avand in vedere ca nu-mi trece altceva prin minte, mi-am zis, ma bucur ca mintea mea nu proiecteaza imagini.. ar fi dezastruos..nu pt mine sau pt cei care stiu, sau poate si pt mine, cat pt cei in necunostinta de cauza sau homofobi. m-am intrebat intr-o zi dedicata gandurilor, ce s-ar fi intamplat daca mintea mea ar fi fost un proiector vechi si de demult, cu imagini fumurii dar existente, din care, pana si acelea mai ascunse, si cand spun ascunse, ma refer la acele imagini din micile eternitati de placere care trebuiesc ramase in acel interval de timp. si daca mintea mea ar fi fost acel proiector vechi si de demult cu imagini fumurii dar existente, eu cu siguranta as fi fost invizibila.. iar viata mea probabil un mister datorita neclaritatii imaginilor.. mai bine ca nu proiecteaza.. astfel viitoru-mi ramane un mister real cu imagini neproiectate si dorinte formate din imagini spre univers.

.............

te caut in timpul de atunci si in iarna trecatoare, si in versuri ce incerc sa le gasesc inteles.. te caut in notile tarzii, pe care incerc sa mi le amintesc pana la cel mai mic detaliu, in intunericul serilor dese si singuratice.. caut soaptele, atingerile si ne-ncetatele placeri, ale scurtelor eternitati ce le-as fi vrut infinite.. am rugat timpul din nou, sa mai stea in vise care, te gasesc atunci cand caut, scurtele eternitati.. si rog timpul care pare, ca se scurge-ncet si-i greu, sa-mi arate-n nopti cu vise, chipul tau si mana care, nu ajung sa o ating..

dor de tine..

mi-e dor de tine.. te caut neincetat in noptile de odinioara ce dispar cu trecerea zilelor .. te caut in ploile din noptile tarzii cand tot ce era, o nesfarsita eternitate de placere.. te caut in amurgul diminetilor cand raza soarelui si mana mea iti mangaiau pielea catifelata.. te caut in dorintele implinte ce acum sunt in asteptare.. te caut in dupa-amiezile insorite langa geamul manjit de stropi, cu fumurile de tigara ce se imbinau cand privirile nu incetau in a se uimi de atingerea buzelor neincetate. Te caut in visele ce nu demult erau o reala minunatie a constientului, ramas-au amintirile din noapte a subconstientului. Te caut in sufletu-mi trist cu dorul de tine...si-n ziua in care te voi avea iar langa mine.

dream in colors

it was late at night. i still can't remember the time when i went to bed, but it was for sure after 12 midnight. i remember watching a movie before i went to sleep. i don't remember the name, but it was only a scene that captured my attention; a scene about a couple kissing at one point in the heavy summer rain outside. after that i can't remember much cause I fall asleep. I usually don't dream much, but that night probably my mind, played with the images, and made me dream a thing or two. in my dream i was in a train station waiting. at one point an yellow train was coming slowly, and the sound of it was making me scream. i got into the train, that was probably taking me nowhere, and when i lifted my head up i sow a face. the most beautiful face i have ever seen. It was a girl that looked like an angel. i tried to come closer, i tried to touch her hand, it seemed unreal in her beauty. but every time i tried to come closer she was going away, running from me. then the train stopped. the beautiful angel went out and i went to fallow her. then she stopped from running and turn her face to me. i tried to smile, thinking that maybe I will get a smile back. but she didn't. she started crying and then disappeared leavening me on a green hill with nothing else but just the sky. and then it started to rain. a heavy summer rain like in the scene movie. i woke up the next morning, a beautiful sunny summer morning, trying to figure it out what it was all about in my dream. but i didn't find any logical explanation. i went outside on my balcony to take a sip of fresh air, and come to the reality of life. and then it started raining, a warm rain like in my dream. and it felt good to feel the rain. an unexplainable relaxed feeling of the rain coming down on my face, hiding the noise on the street and hiding my tears that were starting.

rain..

Imi place ploaia. Imi place sentimentul de ploaie, exista un asemenea sentiment. Imi place sa ies pe strada cand ploua si sa-i vad pe toti cum fug, cum se feresc de ceva atat de placut si umed. Imi place sa-i vad pe toti sub protectia a umbrelelor lor, in timp ce eu sunt libera sub miile de picaturi ale ploii. Imi place sa-mi intind bratele si sa ma las prinsa de umezeala, sa ma las cuprinsa de raceala picurilor ce imi mangaie fata. Imi place jocul ploii vazut seara in lumina oarba a stalpilor de pe strazi. Imi place sunetul apei.. Imi place ca ploaia ma baga in seama si-mi bate in geam de cate ori vine. Imi place ca ploaia imi ascunde lacrimile. Imi place ca sunetul ploii ascunde galagia ce-mi ataca timpanele.Imi place ploaia si ea ma place pe mine. Imi place sentimentul de ploaie si ... credeti-ma ca exista un asemenea sentiment. E un sentiment atat de profund, de pur si de atotcuprinzator incat eu, o nebuna a unui mare oras, il simt.

pt tine..

all seems an empty space, and feel i want to scream so the Universe can hear my voice and my desire.. i dedicate this song to you, because i feel you deserve it. you deserve more than you can imagine..because your love means every thing.. and even though sometimes i fee i am shallow and crazy and sometimes a bitch and other days a mean kid who doesn't want to listen just because she wants her way, i now that deep down your love means every thing as my love means every thing. ps: i can't upload the video..so follow this link cause its dedicated to you :X http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpkU0RvgHnk

vocea ta..

astazi mi-e dor de tine mai mult ca oricand..minutele, orele, zilele petrecute departe de tine incep sa se adune ca o gaura neagra in jurul meu facandu-ma sa tip din toate puterile incat sa ma auzi... o ora jumate de pauza la facultate care pare interminabila, desi mai sunt doar 15 minute, frazele lui Robert despre cat de aiurea e la locul lui de munca, spuse cu o engleza stalcita si enervanta de ascultat, atunci cand gangurile sunt in alta parte decat la ceea ce el spunea.. un nor de ameteala plin de voci galagioase in care caut surdina, se invarte in jurul meu, si singura voce pe care vreau sa o aud, dintre toate vocile auzite in camera asta plina de calculatoare si afise cu "silance", e vocea ta. vocea care imi da cea mai uimitoare stare de liniste, de comfort, de protectie si dorinta neincetata de a o asculta incontinuu... dar pana diseara cand iti voi auzi vocea, va mai trece ceva timp.. si nici vocile din acest nor transparent nu vor disparea curand, eu inca cautand oaza de surdina ce pare ca nu o gasesc..

sambata 16 ianuarie...

saptamana trecuta a fost zia mea..am implinit 23 ani..nu am sarbatorit cine stie ce, ci impreuna cu familia, departe fiind de prieteni si de iubita mea. am primit urari de la cei dragi si mici cadouri de la cei apropiati de aici. insa am fost un pic trista, dat fiind faptului, mentionat mai sus, departarea de prieteni si de iubita. astfel mi-am spus ca acea zi de 16 ianuarie va fi ultima zi de nastere petrecuta departe de cei mai dragi mie, asa incat anul viitor voi incerca sa am o petrecere de zile mari..;))

asta e pentru ea..

Te-am cautat prin multe locuri azi;prin parfumul imprimat in hainele de atunci,prin versuri fara rima si fara de idei,prin fulgii reci si umezi ce acopera pamantul si prin nebunia gandului ce nu vrea sa dispara....nu te-am gasit..privesc in continuare prin geamul deschis intunericul.incep sa-ti conturez chipul din fiecare stea ce o zaresc acolo..te vad destul de clar!esti tu,lumina ce apare rar..ascunsa bine-n alte lumi,acoperita de nori de fum..miroasea sticla a mister,dar sticla asta prea opaca cu greu lasa lumina sa treaca.si ma uit iar inspre apus, zarindu-ti chipul intre nori ascuns..